Getting back up to speed

In the last ten weeks everything and nothing has happened. I don't want to turn this post into a Doogie Howser ending, but you could write a book on the experiences and emotions I've gone through. One would think that having a baby would be the most joyous experience of one's life. That apple cart got upset about three weeks into it and hasn't righted itself yet (or ever I'm assuming). The novelty of my crying, sleeping, eating and fecal machine of a being has worn off. Granted the intermittent smiles Ryan grants to me after a healthy shit provides enough stamina to continue through the next inexorably uncomfortable crying fit. As I'm finding out, I was not built to withstand the humbling effects an infant can deliver to a proud father. My son can go from content and peaceful to extremely pissed off and demanding within seconds. Fucking colic. (I use colic because it's a general term for 'I don't know what the hell is wrong with him') On 2 occasions, Laurie left me in charge of our son's welfare while she did a little something for herself. Both times resulted in a screaming rage that I was ill equipped to handle. It literally sucked the life out of me and challenged my ability to cope beyond the comfort of the confines I had erected prior to his arrival. I experienced a range of emotions compacted into a brief amount of time. Anger, rage, pity, along with a sense of failure flashed through me. Since no one talks of the challenges that beset parents, it appears on the surface that every couple happily endures this process, making me feel as though I'm an oddity who cannot come to grips with child rearing. Run-ons, run-ons! Since that time, I have received sage advice from a good friend who was the only one who could offer true understanding and hope. Jeff, sincerely, I thank you. Though I haven't developed the ability to enjoy this process any more, I am comforted to know that I'm not alone. Still as I thumb through the copious amount of digital images, nostalgic thoughts feed my ultimate fear that I will miss something monumental and historic in my son's life. Damn, that little bastard has me coming back for more. Oh cool, Ryan's first bath....