One of the most subtle, yet comedic moments of film history occured in Airplane. From the left of the screen excriment flung at high speed met a splattering death from a gyrating fan blade. That's exactly what occured monday night. Ryan's christning is scheduled for this sunday in the upscale suburban hell in Newtown, PA. This 'town' is a place where decorum reigns as the well-to-do polish the golden calf in pursuit of more wealth. Thirty years ago, Newtown was a sleepy farming area with a small but cozy hsitorical downtown. Now it's a bustling and sprawling community interconnected from one development to another, populated by the tri-state hustlers driving Benzs, Beemers, and the occasional Lexus. What quaint, historical feel that remains is staged. Naturally, my in-laws reside there and subscribe to the idealogy that life should be experienced in a certain traditional way. Traditionally, when a child is baptised one purchases a Goverment Savings Bond which requires a Social Security Number (SSN). Laurie's grandmother requested it (via her Aunt), to which I said no way. Now is a good time to mention that I am vehemently opposed to giving out your SSN unless absolutely necessary and even then only in controlled situations... (the spectre of the identity thief looms large). Laurie had the unfortunate task of informing them that we (the united married front) were not obliging her request, which her Aunt took surprisingly bad. Apparently a women's first reaction is emotional. Despite Laurie's insistence that it wasn't the case, that's all she really took from the exhange. This prompted open disclosure to the dreaded MIL upon which she had already assumed that our policy of not releasing Ryan's SSN couldn't, shouldn't apply to her. Laurie gently tried to state our case, but met an immediate escalation of emotion. No matter how it was presented, recovery was next to impossible. Eons of tension seemed to be released. Laurie took the high rode and remained calm. After she ended the call, I could tell she was stressed, this was one burden she didn't need to bear. Wow, what fun, apparently we can make family decisions as long as they do not displease our parents. I knew for the sanity of my angelic wife, I needed to respond in a way that removed her from the middle of this quagmire while still pushing for a positive result. If it had been anyone else, even my own family, I would have told them to FUCK OFF, then again, my family probably wouldn't put me in that position in the first place. So I diligently drafted correspondence to both MIL and Laurie's aunt that apologetically stated my reasoning while clearly dismissing the notion that we don't trust them. Knowing my MIL she will play the "you hurt our feelings, and it will be hard to forgive you" bullshit routine. Instead of saying, 'you know I responded inappropriately, and I really don't have a right to Ryan's SSN without your permission', she'll sweep it under the carpet and then take verbal potshots over the next year when you're not expecting. It's quite an effective method. Think about, when you a acquiring something from someone and that person tells you no, react by puffing your chest up and try to bully the other. The weaker will typically back down (as in most parent-child relationships). This allows you to act offended which places the ownership of repairing the relationship back onto the weaker person. This is done through consessions and sometimes you end up with more then what you tried to take in the first place. Then on a continual but purposeful schedule playfully shoot verbal darts to reinforce that harassment will always come from saying no to you. Tactics learned in the school yard, or by watching your parents use it on you. We learn this young.
I'm amazed at the psychological abuse that people endure on a daily basis, for some most of it comes from their parents. I'm also amazed at the effort that I have to expend to walk the tightrope of standing up for my personal and family's position while maintaining the peace. There must be a more effective way to handle these intrusive problems. Ultimately, these are great life lessons that I can use to be a better parent. Let's hope that at least that comes of this debacle.
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